Counting Time

I looked at the clock as I drove home one morning after dropping everyone off.  It was 8:39.  In that moment, I was really surprised, and it wasn't necessarily because the time was later or earlier than it would have been on any other day when I was wrapping up my morning routine.  I was just really impressed by how much I'd done between 7:50 and 8:39.  Maybe I hadn't intentionally considered it in that way before.  

Between the times of 7:50 and 8:39 a.m. I:

Got everybody into the van and started driving

Reviewed spelling words on the way

Talked briefly about haunted houses 

Jammed with the girls to a song on the radio

Reminded them (and myself) of early school dismissal

Dropped my two oldest children off at school

Ensured their faces were actually clean and also moisturized before they entered the school, since, despite checking this before leaving the house, there's always some dry mystery material that appears in the corner of an eye or mouth in the few minutes it takes us to get to school. (By the way, I'm doing this through my rolled-down window before they cross in front of the van and head into the school.)

Drove  to my youngest daughter's preschool 

Parked down the street and walked to the school as usual

Entered the gate to the playground and greeted people

Signed in

Talked to one teacher about bingo at the older girls' school as well as how, for the children, the school seems to be an extension of home

Talked to my daughter--as she flung herself off a bench and around a pole-- about whether or not she wanted to wear her jacket 

Again, discussed the proposed location of her jacket and also her giraffe stuffie and plastic Spiderman toy she'd won at bingo night (see above)

Followed her over to the swings (holding all items mentioned above)

Gave my daughter what must've been 100 pushes on the swing

Midway, retrieved the Batman toy--which she had now been holding on her lap--from several feet across the yard where she'd either flung it or it flung due to momentum as the swing went high

Talked to her other teacher --while pushing-- about parent-teacher conferences, costumes, spirit week, and forgotten almond milk

Chatted with other parents

Hugged and consoled my daughter when I had to go

Exited the gate and walked back to my vehicle

Started the van and began the drive to make it home by 9

Looked at the clock and saw that it was only 8:39

Thought to myself: 8:39???

And really, I didn't notice the time until maybe 5 minutes into the drive. 

It felt like I had done a million things, and I marveled at my success in getting it all done in various settings within the span of 49 minutes.  I know there are so many of us doing so many things on a daily basis.

Often when considering time, we think there's not enough. There's so much to do.  Where has the time gone? How can I get anything done!? Etc.  I certainly understand the sentiments.  For me, it constantly feels like there's so much to do and not enough time to get it all done.

It feels nice when I take a more optimistic approach and squeeze out a moment to just acknowledge the things I am getting done, even if they're the things I do regularly as an adult who's striving to be organized and on top of things. 

When I reflected on the number of tasks I had completed in a short time, it became apparent that--of course-- things get done.  Intentionality about acknowledging accomplishments no matter how big or small can help close the gap between the reality of accomplishments and internal feelings of not getting things done.  

It all counts! 

Falling Fruit and Juvenile the Rapper

"Why she be actin' like that? 

She get it from her mama."--Juvenile

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Y'all.  Life can be a lot.  People can be too much.  Yet, we're here and need to learn to navigate or block out.

Observations over the years as a parent interacting with other parents and their children have revealed so much.  

Rotten children often have rotten parents. 

Insufferable children often have insufferable parents.

Children who lack accountability often have parents who lack accountability.  

Etc. 

It's really that simple sometimes.  It also goes the other way.  

The parents--and I'm talking about people 30 plus/approaching 40—have not grown into the maturity it takes to make and/or sustain meaningful relationships or to even be generally cordial.  Although I hope this is not the case and that maturation will come to the parents, I suspect that their children will struggle in the same way. 

Mothers are the first teachers, and whether the child is learning to clean, do hair, or dance like mom or they're learning to be bossy, rude, or perpetually blame others like mom, she or he is learning.  We've got to get this right because they're watching, learning, and absorbing.

I've had to have discussions with my children following some social interactions we've witnessed or had to help them understand certain behaviors and attitudes, and as much as I want to just break down and tell it to them in a Southern vernacular consistent with my roots (e.g. "She act like that cause her mama ain't 'bout s*it. "), I do my best to make my explanations to them descriptive and comprehensible and not reflective of what I'm really thinking...and how I'm thinking it.   

I should add that the descriptive language has nothing to do with their accolades, status, or achievements.  This is about character.  

With all that said, people we associate with regularly and even irregularly are usually really wonderful and pleasant to interact with.  At 40+ with so much going on in life and with family, that's all I can tolerate.  

A Great Teacher

My middle daughter–-age 7--asked me why history is important.   

This question came as somewhat of a challenge to my ongoing quest to insert historical information into the lives of all my girls on a regular basis.  

About 18 years ago I was introduced to scholar, historian, and teacher Dr. John Henrik Clarke via a DVD given to me by an acquaintance.   After I'd watched that DVD a few times, I asked about others.  More were shared with me.  Then I got into one of his books. 

From the beginning, there was something familiar to me about Dr. Clarke.  He reminds me of elders from my neighborhood in Louisiana when I was growing up in the 80s and 90s. In fact, he reminds me so much of my maternal grandmother and would have fit right in as her older brother.  

The primary difference between him and them was that he'd sought to and managed to escape the back-breaking labor cycle that the South forced on him and those of his generation, color, and class. He broke free of the mundane system of oppression and injustice and went on a quest for knowledge.

Dr. Clark possessed and shared freely so much information.  The wisdom has greatly impacted my understanding and thinking.  His natural humor always had the best timing and has often left me in tears from laughter.

I’m very thankful to be a consumer of his various speeches and lectures so many years after his death and appreciate the legacy he left behind that allows me to be a better history teacher to my own children.

*****

History is a clock that people use to tell their political and cultural time of day.  It is also a compass that people use to find themselves on the map of human geography.  History tells a people where they have been, what they have been, where they are, and what they are.  Most importantly, history tells a people where they still must go, what they still must be.  The relationship of history to the people is the same as the relationship of a mother to her child.  –Dr. John Henrik Clarke

*****

I did not have children when I first came into Dr. Clarke’s teachings. Quite honestly, I had never even considered a context in which I would be talking to any children I might have in the future about our history, world history.  What I did know was that any information I shared would be based in truth.  The truth.  

Recently I’ve gotten back into Dr. Clarke’s lectures and am again experiencing a deepening of understanding.  My daughter’s question about the importance of history came at a time when I was well-prepared to give her a thoughtful reply.  That reply was the culmination of so many experiences over the years.  It was also a reflection of his teachings. The contributions of Dr. Clarke have been a great influence on my capacity to impart historically important information to my girls as they grow and come to an understanding of themselves and the world.  

Below is the first video I ever saw featuring John Henrik Clarke.   I watched it on a DVD. Many before me had it on VHS tape.  It’s good to see it online now.  

Here are a few notable quotes from various videos I've watched of Dr. Clarke speaking.   If interested in his work, you can find quite a few videos of him speaking on a range of topics. 

*****

I would be slow to criticize Dr. Martin Luther King.  He was brave enough to put his life on the line for what he believed.  We are still here talking.  That’s proof enough of his bravery over ours.

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All knowledge in the world belongs to everybody in the world.  

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When you don’t read history, anybody can tell you anything.

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Freedom is something you take with your own hands.  You do not inherit it from a will.  It is not handed down from one generation to another.  When you get it, you must resecure it in your own times with your own hands.  Freedom is never secure, and you can never take it for granted.  It’s a precious substance.  

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Do your best work. (A spiritual message to Dr. Clarke from Malcom X following Malcolm's assassination.)

Pick Up Your Shirt

My girls and I were riding home one day after running some errands.

One of my daughters, newly age 7 on the day this article is published 🎉🎊,  asked in the curious way she always does:

Mom, what does Pick Up Your Shirt mean?

I was confused. I asked her to repeat the question, and she said it again.

In my mind I was mostly trying to understand the context of the question but I was also trying to place what she'd asked.

I know Jazmine Sullivan sings Pick Up Your Feelings.

I know the girls need to pick up their clothes (including shirts) after a shower/bath or just in general from the floor of the house.

Maybe it had something to do with  t-shirt printing business, and people aren't picking up their orders on time??

My mind was computing, but solutions weren't being generated.  Pick Up Your Shirt. Hmmmmm...

Why had she asked that?  Before I could ask for clarification, she said:

"I saw a sign in someone's yard that said Pick Up Your Shirt."

My mind still computed for a second, then.

Ooooooooooh!! 

It hit me:

She had added an 'r' to the last word of the statement where there was none.😅

Without having seen the sign myself, I knew it was posted in the yard of someone likely frustrated with people not picking up after their dogs when said dogs relieve themselves on the homeowner's grass.  

Usually such signs are more friendly in their approach:

Please Pick Up After You Dog.

Please Be A Good Neighbor. Pick Up After Your Dog.

But apparently this person has had it.

After having a good laugh about it, I had to explain to my daughter what the sign is referencing and that...the word isn't shirt. 

We drive past the house on  regular basis, and now when we do, I always laugh to myself.

I'm not sure how I feel about such a sign being visually accessible to all. It reminds me of the anxiety I've experieced when encountering one of those F* Cancer car decals with my girls in tow.  

But I do appreciate the humor that's been generated from the sign geared toward dog walkers.**

PICK UP YOUR SHIRT!  🐕

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**I'm not making a judgement one way or another about dog ...matter... being in walkable areas, but I have told my girls that the whole thing of dog walking and plastic baggies isn't something I recall when I was growing up.  However, I grew up in a very rural area where houses were far apart and where dog's just did their business, maybe attempted to cover it, and no one had a second thought.  

Different times and different environments call for different measures, I suppose. 

I'm All For It

Since my oldest child started attending public school in 2019 at the age of five, I have despised the 8:00 am start time.  What's more, all of my adult life I've not been able to relate much to the urgency of going in to a work place early in the morning--for those whose work starts in the morning as opposed to later times of the day or even night.   

And I'm saying this as an early riser who is usually  up between 4 and 6 am.  

I've been considering homeschooling in the coming year, as I recognize the benefits my children receive from getting a later start in the mornings. (Plus, they've been begging to homeschool and I just feel the need to mix things up at this point.  Not sure I will, though!)

On Saturdays when they're able to sleep in until about 8:30 or 9:00--sometimes even later--everything about their dispositions is better.   That whole thing of getting down to the school before the 8 am tardy bell has persistently irked my soul.  The one year that we did do independent homeschool was an absolute blast, and the girls didn't really get going until 9:30 or 10:00.  They have decent bedtimes and aren't up late nights.  Still, the ability to have a slower, more-natural-for-them start to their mornings is a major plus.  

So, when I was scrolling on YouTube trying to find something to listen to in my earbud while cleaning the kitchen and came across this, my interest was certainly piqued:

Article here: https://tinyurl.com/325uhazs

While reading the comments, I came across this:

My 2 oldest children go to an elementary school in Honolulu.  Hawai'i DOE can y'all implement this, please? I realize the focus is on teens, but I can attest to the fact that my elementary-aged children benefit as well.

And I'm blown away that a school could start at 7!

From the article:

The reasons why high schools start as early as they do — many begin their day before 7:30 a.m. — are “lost to the sands of history," Buxton said. But now, he said, ”everything is baked into that: traffic light patterns, bus schedules and adults’ work.”

Just overhaul the entire system!  It's really played out anyway.

Ok, that's my rant.

Who made up these schools, I say? Who made up these rules, I say?--Lauryn Hill

3 Things That Had Me Feeling Old On The Internet This Week + Foolishness On The Radio

(This is strictly shallow humor.  I understand plenty people know these things, not everyone is going to know, and not everyone is even going to care to know for that matter, but some things I witnessed online this week have had me thinking to myself...)

1.  People don't know what G.I. Jane is?

2.  People don't know it was "California Love" &  "Nuthin but a G. Thang" that was referenced/sampled by Beyonce in her performance on Sunday? 

3.  People don't know about the time Stephen slapped Irene on The Real World Seattle (which seems like a massage now by comparison to the current televised drama) and how that was the original "slap heard 'round the world?"  All week that's what's been coming to mind for me when that phrase has come up, yet before reading a very few YouTube comments on the above referenced link, I hadn't noticed it mentioned in voice or text anywhere, which really had me befuddled, lol! I remember it being a big deal at one point.)

Those were my thoughts during these...dynamic... times, then I saw this on YouTube and was taken all the way back!

😆

_____

Writing the above reminded me of something that happened on Monday.  I was driving home from dropping my oldest two girls off at school and had the radio tuned in to our favorite local station, which plays R & B and other jams from the 70s, 80s, 90s, and early 2000s.  I mean they do not miss when it comes to broadcasting so much of the music that I grew up on and love.  Now, a lot of the actual commentary on the morning show is pretty basic and silly, but it's not such that I'd not tune in (as is the case for the morning show on another station here that I listen to from time to time, reggae and what's called Jawaiian music here.  The commentary coming from their morning show hosts can be atrocious).

 On the morning show for the  station that we're dialed in to 99.9999 percent of the time, they're cute, a bit unread, but cute and mean no harm whatsoever.  I get a good laugh from them from time to time.

Well, there I was driving home with my littlest one buckled in her car seat, and I heard that they were talking about the incident that happened on t.v. in America that apparently has the whole world talking.  Up to that point I was out of the loop, but I listened to try to figure out what all the hoopla was about.  They were sharing their views and inviting callers to share theirs.  The remarks were generally similar in nature, with most people speaking out against the actions that took place.  Then a woman called in and shared her thoughts, which were not much different from those of the others who had called. Then she said it:

"Not to be racist, but..."

Now, if you're black in America, you might know that when that phrase is used to introduce commentary, things are about to get real, whether what follows is about your people or other people in the country who get heat for just trying to have their physical body on Earth.

I perked up.  This lady--who to me sounded to be of Hawaiian ancestry  based on what I've learned in the past 8+ years about voice tones among the numerous cultures of people who make up Hawai'i--proceeded to tell the show hosts, me, and everyone else who was in earshot of the station something like, "Well, you know African Americans are violent by nature. That's what black people do."

😐

(I honestly had second-hand embarrassment for this woman.)

I'm not naive, but I swear something about hearing that come from her mouth as I was driving among these beautiful mountains and trees touched me somewhere deeeeeeep in my soul.  

I'm not ignorant of the fact that this is a thing.  People believe this.  But hearing her say this live on the air on a station where I'm sure 90 something percent of the music that's played was written, produced, and performed by black people/African Americans AND the majority of the listeners likely are not black/African American (just given our low numbers here) threw my morning off.  (The hosts and everyone on the air there are of Filipino and mixed Asian/Hawaiian descent).  

I thought

1.Why did she think that was ok to say?

2. Is anyone else offended?  (I'm not easily offended at.all., but none of the callers after her gave a rebuttal to her statement. But to be fair, I really only ever hear one person call in to the show who I know is black.  BUT, that brought up the point that not only black people need to be offended by this.)

3. I'm SO glad I'd already dropped off my girls who could understand her remarks.

And it's point three that prompted me to take action on the matter.  The children.   

There are so many different people in Hawai'i in general. I mean, people come here from everywhere.  

When it comes to black/African American/black American people (whatever the phrase is these days that's supposed to categorize all of us), I've seen a few different.."groups"...that include but aren't limited to those who were born here, those who came and have been here on their own free will for decades, those like me who are here on based on free will but have only been present a few years, those who are here due to military, and those who were born and raised here and they have one black parent, but the other side of their family is considered "local", whether that be Hawaiian, Chinese, Japanese, Filipino, etc.  

In regard to the latter group mentioned, the Black parent as an individual is sometimes the only connection that the child has to "the Black side" of their family, since that parent likely came here solo, had a child with a local person, and just sort of integrated into that family.  The rest of their family is back in Oklahoma or where ever.  So, these children have this black parent but they don't necessarily identify as black or really know anything about that part of their biological identity. Also, the black parent may no longer be in the picture, which makes things even more complex. 

(For five years we lived in a community here where these children were prevalent, and I personally had experiences with many of these children who were often confused by me, my hair, the familiarity they had with me despite their unfamiliarity with the bigger story of me.  Who was I? What was I? Tongan? Fijian? American? Black? Black or African American was never the first assumption.   A lot of them didn't "get" me, but they seemed to want to so badly.  They had no clue where I came from.  I'm just adding this to say I'm speaking from first-hand knowledge.)

Some of these children are out of touch with being black or being seen as black, yet they do know that's a part of them.   Thankfully they're being raised in a place like Hawai'i where everything is really just cool and laid back.  Typically.

But then this woman calls in to one of the most listened too stations in their area and tells them that they are violent by nature, potentially adding more confusion to the mix.

I had a very important video call that morning, but once I was home I had to send an email and ask  could the meeting be pushed back by 30 minutes. It was imperative for me to write the radio station since I hadn't been in a position to call in, be on hold, all that.  I was so flustered that there was no way I'd get through the meeting without writing and getting that weight off my chest on behalf of all of the people and children who may have been listening that morning and who--whether they knew it or not--were misrepresented in a dangerous way by what the woman said.

My letter wasn't an angry one.  The intention was for it to be informative.  I didn't threaten to never tune in again.  I wanted the people at the station to understand why what she said was baseless, inappropriate, and diminishing especially to the children of Hawai'i.    People are big on 'ohana (family) here, and in fact, prior to letting callers speak on air, the hosts let them know that "this is a family show" to hopefully keep them from using profanity and other obscenities.  Although this lady did not use curse words, the ones she did use were certainly not family-friendly. 

The show hosts--shocked themselves by what she'd said--gave the best rebuttal they could, but they really couldn't address it like it needed to be addressed.  Their effort is appreciated though.  

I've learned that people can be dismissive of racism toward Black people out here based simply on the fact that they don't have context.  They've spent all or most of their lives on these islands in the Pacific, see very few people of African descent, and the racism that many of us know from the contiguous US is not a hard issue here, generally speaking.  

I really did it for the children.  I'm from The South.  So was my husband.  And we're black in America.  We've heard it all before.  But these children deserve more care, concern, and respect than that.   

I sent the letter that morning but have not received a reply.  That's fine.  I just hope that my words helped them better understand their audience and know just how problematic that caller's remarks were.    

She Doesn't Like Fish: A Case Study

My oldest daughter says she doesn't like fish.  

But I bought some fish.  It's good fish!  Good taste and good quality. 

Her sisters like fish.  She'll eat the fish, too. It's good fish!  

She didn't eat it last time. Or the time before that. Or the time before that. But she'll eat it this time. It's good!

What?? Does she expect me to cook something separate for her? Come on, now! Fish is good!

I'll broil the fish.  She'll like that.  I'll broil it with herbs that we grew ourselves!  Can't beat that.  She'll like it. What does she mean she doesn't like fish?   She used to eat fish.  She'll like it!

Man! I LOVED eating fish as a child.  My family caught and cooked fish regularly.  Still does! 

And they didn't do all this broiling stuff with herbs. They fried it. That was the only way. Fried fish.

***

I broil the fish with herbs and olive oil.  It smells so good. Tastes good, too! 

There's her plate. There's the fish on it. 

Now they're done eating.  Her sisters ate their fish.  But she didn't.  The fish is still on her plate!

Why didn't she eat the fish?!?!

"Why didn't you eat the fish?!?

"I cooked the fish. I wanted you to eat it. 

"Oh, am I supposed to just throw it away? You picked at it, now who wants to eat it after you? That's wasteful! 

 

"Nope! No snacks. No desert.  You should've eaten your food--the food I cooked for you. 

"I put a lot of effort and nice ingredients into cooking the fish.  You should've eaten it. What is the problem???"

****

It's actually quite simple: THE CHILD DOESN'T LIKE FISH.

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It could all really be so simple.  But at times I choose to make it hard.  Why is this still a thing in 2022?

My oldest child has a great appetite. She knows what she likes and what she doesn't.  She eats well.  So, if she says she doesn't like something, it would be in my best interest to just flow with that.  

She does like many things. However, she.does.not.like.fish. 

And that's that.