Monday, June 14, 2021


I cried.  The tears came unexpectedly as I put the van in park.  They came stronger as I unbuckled car seats.  I tried to suck it up as we walked--before we made it to the classroom.  Yet, I cried as I signed my child in and talked to the teacher.  She consoled me and offered words of encouragement, saying how much I rock.  She told me to go home and take a nap.

Speaking of the teacher's use of the word rock as a verb, my child made this for me a couple weeks ago under the guidance of her teachers. 

I mean, it wasn't boo-hoo crying, but the tears wouldn't stop coming. Where's the crying while wearing a mask emoji? We need that combination now.  😢😷


Prior to May 2021, my oldest two children had not participated in educational programs that take place out of our home since March 2020. The viral situation happening globally was as serious for us it has been for so many others, and we had an added layer of precaution to take considering that my husband had dealt with a compromised immune system since 2016. He had been severely immunocompromised since June 2020.  As such, our children did not go back out into school programs even when such programs re-opened in some capacity in mid to late 2020 and early 2021.  We could not afford for them to bring even a cold home, let alone COVID19.  (Let me add here that they have not had a cold since before they left school last year. That has been wonderful.)

We did not do virtual school. That definitely wouldn't work for my elementary-aged wild child.  She was not going to willingly sit at a computer for school.  Given that I was my husband's full-time caretaker after his 2-month stay in the hospital between June and August 2020, plus caretaker of 3 young children and a household (and also a graduate student), I didn't have time for that.

Her, all day, every day.  

What I could do, though, was expand on what we already naturally do in our home where learning is constant.  The girls have been enriched far beyond what could be achieved at their schools.

My girls have two older brothers.  One visited in October.  He's studying to be an engineer. He taught them engineering things.  

At times learning was formal.  More often, however, we were unschooling, a process that fit our home-life situation better.  While I was cognizant of the materials the state says first graders should be learning, my oldest child and I went at it in our way.  Sometimes we didn't bother with it.  Always we were reading books.  (So very much can be learned and gleaned from the reading of books! So much and far beyond the constraints of a grade level.   If all else fails READ to/with your children and discuss what you read!)

That time we went to pick up our requested library books from the lobby, and the library was open for people to actually go inside again!

Early in 2021, by husband and I determined that the girls may be able to attend summer programs coming up for them in May and June of 2021.  Honestly, we were looking forward to it.  Given all that he was going through medically and how intense everything in the household was, we were looking forward to it just being me, him, and the baby at home for a few hours a day.  We were thinking his health situation would be improved, and sending them out wouldn't be as risky.  We were hopeful about all the protocols regarding heightened sanitization and physical distancing that had become the norm in public spaces.   A break was in order, for sure.  Those girls are non.stop.  My motto became, "Put your mask on, and GO! And don't be touching everything!" 

That one time in Waikiki. 

Well, here we are.  June 14, marks the day that both of my oldest two are simultaneously out of the house for the first time in more than a year.  It's just me and the baby.  My husband did not make it to this point to revel in the sweetness that he and I knew was coming.  He isn't here with me and baby to experience the semi-solitude that we both knew would give us some much-needed space to breathe and tend to his health without three little busybodies constantly needing attention.   Although he can not physically experience this with me,  this past year + of us all spending so much time at home turned out to be very crucial, and we cherish it.

I cried as I made the second drop-off this morning because this was supposed to be my and his moment. It's funny to think that I was crying for the sheer joy of the moment.  I mean, it is something worthy of crying joyously about in general.  Yet, my tears had even more sentimental meaning.  

As I type this blog post, my baby is asleep.  Y'all, believe it or not, this is the first time in a LONG time, that it has just been me to myself in my home.  I'm talking about even before COVID.  I have been on my feet doing so much for so long. It does feel good, but honestly, I'd love to be in here cracking up with my husband about anything.  I miss him so much, but I know he'd be so happy for me right now.


This seems like a good place to insert some Lianne La Havas, an artist he introduced me to years ago. Bittersweet.

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